Grief. An unwanted yet part of life’s emotions. I don’t want to feel it anymore. I have had my share–more than my share of loss. I can no longer count them on both hands. Life. Death.
The loss it seems, as the older I get the harder it becomes. Most assuredly because those who depart this world have been in our life for many years. It is reasonable to feel a greater void. I convince myself of this.
I pray and have been covered in prayer, for peace and comfort. For joy and happy memories of those who have been taken away so soon. But sorrow has it’s own timing. Grief comes and goes and comes back again with a vengeance. When it appears you are at peace BAM, waves–no tidal waves rush in and sweep the peace away.
So I sit quietly in the presence of the Lord, trying desperately to feel confident He will get me through this season of despair–again. Because I firmly have the Faith that if He brings me to it He will get me through it.
So then why? Why don’t I feel the peace? Or the comfort in that knowledge?
Self-pity? Self-indulgence? Could be. Or I am just human and this is normal behavior.
I tell myself to listen to the gentle whisper of Jesus reminding me of what little Faith I have. And how it hurts Him so. How He carries my burdens at the feet of His throne. To let go and let God wrap His loving arms around me, so tight I would have no choice but to feel the peace and comfort only He can provide in the darkest hour of grief.
It becomes a choice. My choice. So, yes I choose to let Him get me through it. Because He promises to. And Jesus doesn’t lie. He says He will never leave our side. I believe Him.
Yes, one year ago I lost my best friend. She got me and loved me for me. She never judged, or played games. She accepted me. And the feelings were mutual. She would tell me don’t sweat the small stuff. Get over it. She knew how sensitive I am. Acted accordingly…or not. We laughed at each other. A lot.
Yes there is a huge void in my life. She will never be replaced.
I must choose to believe my world without her will get better, because my world when she was in it taught me it will.
So, I will miss her greatly. I will remember her wisdom and her love and laughter. Her kindness. Her life. I will choose to believe she is my Angel watching over me. Until we meet again.
A few scriptures of His promises from the NIV Bible :
Psalm 119:76; Isaiah 61:2-3; Jeremiah 31:13; 2 Corinthians 1:5; 2 Corinthians 1:20; Hebrews 10:23